Life has been so busy lately, even my usual calm as a cucumber partner is showing signs of stress...which in the 14 years we’ve been together I have probably witness no more than a handful of times.
There has been uncertainty with my work situation for a long time now since encephalitis and brain injury, but for the last 3 years and a bit I’ve kept pushing. I wasn’t ready to let go of that part of my life. I didn’t want “e” to rob yet another part of me. With a strategic review occurring within the company, I knew I was likely to be on the chopping block. And sure enough, my role was recently disestablished and redundancy is now a week away! I have lots of mix feelings around this redundancy. Although, deep down I know that taken solely from a health perspective, it is probably a blessing in disguise. Where to next is looming in my mind more than ever. Even though we’ve all ascertain that it’s time for me to finally do something for myself and to put my health and family first, it lingers in my Weird Wonderful Brain of mine and it drains so much energy. I know I’ll eventually be ok, it’s not in my nature to give up or accept status quo, but the short term uncertainty feels heavy...very heavy.
So with my final working day for a company that has done fantastic by me since I fell ill with “e” in sight, it’s handover time. It means lots of days on-site (I usually mainly work from home), lots of background noise and lots of talking...my nemesis! They’ve done right by me so I want to do right by them and give them my 110% for the remaining of the time I have left. I’ve always find it rewarding to complete a task to a high standard and I don’t treat a handover any differently.
The finish line is in sight, I can stick with this rhythm a wee bit longer right?
I’m concerned about the impact on my health, but with 6 working days to go, I keep navigating my way through...somehow! I see the look on some of my colleagues' faces, they are caring and many try to keep me in check which I really appreciate. I’ll miss all those super kind souls. My future with this particular job has now been clarified for me, but many colleagues are still awaiting their fate following this strategic review. I know I have to let go of this as I have no control over it, but I can’t help being worried for all those fantastic people. Without probably being aware of it, some of them have carried me through some very dark times and their care and support was the lifeline I needed at times. For that, I’ll forever be grateful and as I’m writing today, I cherish those memories of what were then sad moments as it helped developed fantastic relationships and friendships. Did I mention that I will miss those super kind souls yet?!?
So the work or in this case “the no more work” situation is only one of the reason why life has been so hectic lately. I’m afraid I’ll have to write a part 2 and maybe even a part 3 as it would make for a pretty lengthy blog otherwise. Let’s just say for now that all the elements are there to create a perfect storm aka major health set-back. So today I’m parking work, this weekend I’ll be parking pretty much everything with the hope to avoid or minimise the perfect storm that is looming ahead. Back to the basics of fatigue management I’m afraid...once again!
Hang in there!! Life changing situations like this can be nerve-racking even without E!! Sometimes you’ve just got to remember to “breathe” and take it one day at a time right?!?